restroom choices and the people who make them

Before I begin, I wanted to give credit to sparks, who has already addressed this issue. I have thought about this a lot (on a daily basis actually) even before he ever posted about it. While he mentioned most of the key points, I wanted to share a few of my own thoughts.

There are many factors when choosing where to go the bathroom. I remember when I first saw this game, which covered most of the basic strategy. At my work, however, there are only 2 urinals (U) and 3 restroom stalls(S). They are along the wall, and for this discussion lets call them U1, U2, S3, S4, and S5. When using the urinals, the choice is fairly easy; in fact some would contend it doesn’t matter. I tend to agree, but could see why some prefer U1. The reason is only because U2 has the potential to be right up against S3, so in theory your feet might be within a foot of another restroom user. This might be a deciding factor in choosing between U1 and U2, but I actually opt for the cleaner choice.

In any case, the real decisions come in the area of the stalls. I would say that S5 (known as the VIP stall) is the top ranked stall in terms of facilities. It is the widest stall, and has hand rails (although who wants to touch them) on each side. S3 and S4 are equal, varying only in location. All three contain seat covers and dual action TP dispensing. I think that if all three are available, the most preferred stall is S5. It offers the most privacy and the most room. The only obvious negative is due to its location it is the stall that is most often, which increases the chances that someone will try to enter the stall while you are occupying it. This really only adds stress, as the locking mechanism is sufficient.

S4 used to be inoperable, because the lock was not functioning properly. However, due to recent maintenance upgrades the door is back in full swing. Previously you ran the risk of having the door open up while you were using the stall. S3 is what I call leadoff. This is because it is the first option presented when entering Stallville. Also, you are provided the least privacy in that every stall user passes by S3 and also because of the close proximity to U1 and especially U2. Depending on the degree of spread-eagleness used while in S3, it is theoretically possible that U2 and S3 could step on each others toes. Also, I have witnessed several co-workers number 1-ing in S3. I have never seen anyone number 1 in S4 or S5.

These are the physical considerations to make when deciding, but what is really important to an advanced user is the mental game. For example, in the case of emergencies, S3 is preferred. When you need to reach a stall as soon as possible, privacy and location go right down the tube. Another factor would be the mental cleanliness. I mean that if you know a lot of people have used the device before you, it is not delightful. I think S5 is the only choice that has ever ran out of TP, and the reason is because it is the most popular. If you are worried about sharing facilities with certain people, you are better off not using S5. Also S4 is stall-locked. If you don’t like having neighbors, than S4 becomes a non-option. Any future stall user will be located directly adjacent to you. On the other hand, if you are a footwear expert, this might also be called the information stall.

I think that S5 is the most popular, and until recently S3 was a fairly distant second. But as I said, S4 is back on the market and the usage is undergoing a re-distribution. I would say I visit the VIP stall the most, followed by S4 and then S3. I think a lot of S3 are creatures of habit. I don’t monitor everyone’s usage, but I will say I have seen a lot of the same people going into S3, and what’s more interesting is that I have never seen those people go in S4 or S5. I wish I could say I always choose S4, but sometimes it is just too hard to pass up the luxurious S5 and all that it has to offer.

Thoughts?