This post is about something I have been meaning to write about for a while. I know that there will be future posts on this topic because there are many things I have to say about it. This was not one of them, but it is so interesting that I decided to post it immediately.
I was just in the restroom at work. A guy, who I have never seen before, walks in. He goes right past the urinals and into stall number 2, more on stall locations and preferences in a future post. He makes some noise and then begins going to the bathroom. He is still standing. Hopefully that clarifies what number he is going (no the story is not about some random guy going #2 while standing, although if that happened I would also post about it immediately.)
In any case, after what seems like 7-8 seconds he concludes his action and fastens appropriate clothing. It is at this point that I am now washing my hands. I am not one of those obsessive germ people, but I certainly wash my hands after I use the bathroom. I also dry my hands and always grab an extra paper towel to use to touch the door on the way out. Because it seems almost pointless to wash my hands and then touch a door that was just touched by some other guy who was just handling his... it is not my personal germs that I fear. I wash my hands more because of the entire bathroom experience, not just because of what I touched. Honestly, my hygiene is strong to quite strong.
Anyways, back to the stranger. I am still washing away, using soap that actually smells pretty good. But not nearly as nice as the stuff they have in the womens bathroom. Dont ask me how i know. So mystery guy walks up to the other sink (there are two) and turns it on. Normal so far, except for the private number one-ing in the stall, which isnt that strange. I could understand that. So the water is running. I am nearly finished washing my hands and now am just checking out my game (hair) for the day. Doesnt look that good, and I could use a haircut. My eyes move slightly to my left as new-guy is also looking at himself in the mirror with the water on.
He is moving again. He is leaning forward. He reaches out with his right hand and makes it into a cup. He is having a drink. He sips twice, refills his hand, and repeats. He went to the bathroom, touched the stall door, the toilet, his unit, the sink and is now drinking. There is a water fountain 3 feet from the entrance to the restroom. There are also 2 different water coolers in our office. Then he turns off the water and moves towards the paper towels. At this point I have made eye contact with myself in the mirror and am cracking up. I try to make a fake deep breathe/sigh to cover it up but I am not sure if it worked. I turn off the water, dry my hands and follow him out smiling. Is this guy for real?
18 comments:
Laugh now, you might not get the chance after he unknowingly infects himself with e-coli. I thought I had some decent bathroom stories, but they don't have the detail or disgustingness of that one.
That is very weird/gross. The best part is that is only the tip of the iceburg when it comes to work bathroom stories. Maybe he just really wanted some lukewarm water instead of the nice cold water from the cooler.
ok, here's mine. I shower at the department sometimes, there's a private 1 person shower, private stall, very exclusive and quite nice. So at times, I finish dressing and drying my hair in the large part of the bathroom, seeing as the shower part has no outlets or mirrors.
so yeah, one said day i'm drying my hair, and in walks a girl on her cell phone. I think she's going to end the call, but much to my disgust and enterainment, she stays on the phone. Now with girls, you can't immediately tell, is it 1 or 2. She's still on the phone, and the stream's going. I think, well, ok, she's just peeing, gross, but at least it's not a deuce. OH CONTRARE, then she starts grunting a little, and still talking on the phone (side note: she was speaking another language, so at no point in time do i know if she warned the other person "yes i'm taking a shit so you're getting yes or no answers til i push this brick out") I hear the tell tale splash of the kids being dropped off at the pool, and she's still on the phone. Talk about multitasking, because I'm going to assume that she's whiping after shitting, and still on the phone at the same time. She finishes, walks past me in my disgusted mouth agape hair dryer still on but pointed at the air total look of shock and walks out the door. WITHOUT WASHING HER HANDS. So I ask, Brian, do you think she may be related to the guy you work with??
I like how she just brushed past the idea of showering at work, thats not at all strange either.
nice echo
nice echo
nice echo
ha, I did not mean to post that 3 times, what is going on?
Why does bathroom water always taste different from kitchen water?
Haha. That's pretty weird. I hate public bathrooms.
P.S. Responding to your comment, it's not that I don't like Berry Berry Kix; it's just that I wasn't in the mood yesterday morning. =P
hey mike, nice post. way to make fun of someone for posting twice by posting more than twice. i know you well enough to know that was not a clever joke. just mike being mike.
yeah, I was shooting for twice, but the second one posted twice by itself. My jokes never work. I'm sad.
That had me laughing this morning. You should have said "hey can I have a sip?"
What up, cuzman! Sign up another reader to your list. I'm hooked, baby! Seriously, I love that you touched on the one of MANY topics to be discussed regarding men's room behavior. I also want to thank "jw" for pointing out something about women I really don't care to know. You guys really make sounds like a dude when pinching one off? Anyway, we need to get into certain etiquette when in the bathroom, especially the proper positioning of oneself along the urinal wall. I'll let you handle this one, but I also have a quick story to tell. Here goes:
A few years back, I was waiting for the train to go home one evening and I was just in the gym and drank like 2 gallons of water. I REALLY had to go and I normally wouldn't be caught dead in the disgusting facilities at this particular station in Philly. I get over my fear due to the fact that I was about to burst and make my way to the bathroom. I see a sketchy looking guy kind of wink at me but I thought nothing of it since my mind was focused on one thing at this point. I get to the urinal and start doing my thing and the next thing I know, the same sketchy guy is following me into the bathroom and saddles up to the urinal right next to me (side note: only two urinals separated by the little divider thing. Again, cuz, you really need to touch on this topic as well). I was just so relieved to be dropping this water weight and my eyes are forward, as is appropriate behavior when using a urinal. Then, I feel this dude's stare on me and I glance over at him and this fucker is on his tippy toes looking down at the goods...MY GOODS. Not finished relieving myself, I stop mid-stream (which, guys, you know burns pretty good), said a few things to the dude that I won't repeat here and high-tailed it out of there. Two things occurred to me, I might just finish in my drawers and I didn't wash my f'ing hands in the most disgusting bathroom ever! God, i hate that dude...not that there's anything wrong with it. By the way, if Talladega Nights was out back then I would have definitely stole Will Farrell's line, "Yep, it's the REAL DEAL down there!"
What's up BD. You should have asked him if he wanted a better look and then peed on him. Hopefully he would have found this disgusting and not enjoyable. Although, it sounds from the story that the chances were 50/50.
You should've just peed in the subway station. Most of Philly smells like urine already.
I had an experience disturbingly similiar to Brian D in a the foodcourt men's room at Towson Town center about 10 years ago. Some creep came out of a stall, picked the urinal next to me, and peeked over the top of the divider and started enthusiastically pleasuring himself.
I was just a kid in there by myself I didn't quite know what to do. I ran out, just as a friend was going in. As I hurried out, I warned him "be careful of that guy" which of course made no sense to him. The same exact thing happened to him.
We never told mall security or anything because we
1.) didn't think they'd believe a couple of 14 year olds and
2.) didn't think we could tell the story with a straight face.
At the time I was more amused than disturbed, but looking back on it, I'm pretty pissed off.
Hopefully I'll only post this once.
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